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| I've been divorced now for close to a year, after 55 years of marriage. I live with my only child, my son. It has always been one of his traits to look for "logical" answers to problems/situations, there must be a scientific reason he says, undeniably a true Aquarian. In the past year if I had a penny for every hour of conversation we've in engaged in I'd be lending money to Mr.Trump. He simply could not get over how much he says he is like me. He says that recent scientific discoveries are showing how "genetics" actually plays a stronger role in a person's characteristics than it's ever been attributed to before. It was at first painful to hear him say that he wished there had been more of a mix between his Father and I. We took a stroll down "His" memory lane and what at first seemed to me a negative remark about how much he is like me, I than understood what he meant, no offense taken and from a Mother's prospective I agreed with him, I do wish he would have inherited just a tad more from my ex. Over and over and over he has questioned me about my relationship with his Father. He was convinced that I was hiding "secrets" from my childhood. He questioned my sister about it, he simply would not, could not accept that someone that recalled a wonderful childhood, with only positive things to say about Both parents and Siblings and no Horrific incidents of any kind prior to marriage could possibly had stayed with his controlling/abusive Father. Over and over and over he would ask questions about family life, my feelings for each and every member of my family, was I molested?, was I abused by strangers?, was I "this" was I "that" it was obvious that my answer did not satisfy him. I was very hurt that he felt that I was hiding something from him, those of us that are Mothers and truly love our children know that if by revealing a "secret" we provide peace of mind and mental tranquility to our children we would, anything to bring them relief. I was abused verbally, I was abused physically, I was abused emotionally, I was abused spiritually. The answer that he Now accepts and "Understands" is "I Loved him". I simply Loved the man, Blind love? , Stupid Love?, Sickening Love?, As ahamed as I do feel now for those feelings, as sad as I feel for having those feelings, as ignorent that as times I feel for those feelings, my answer remains, simply "I Loved Him". I do recognize how most would, knowing what I endured for more than half a century would think poorly of me, at times I think very poorly of myself too. But nothing will change the Reason, the Secret, "I Loved Him"
We sat on the beach just before sundown, watching God's wonders all around us, the sapphire blue ocean lapping inches from our feet, the pastel colored sky no artist has ever been able to capture, birds, crabs, lizards along the dune playing out destined lives. My son held me and kissed me as I cried, both acknowledging " sometimes it just comes down to "I Love him/her". They may be from Mars and we from Venus but when it comes to this emotion we're on the same planet. Like Mother like Son. |
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| That is nice that you have a good relationship with your son. It is a difficult topic of conversation to discuss and it seems like that secret holds true in all of us. |
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| Wow, at least you have a good relationship with your kids, and it sounds like they are not recentful towards you. Because that is a heavy burden to carry around for you and your kids. |
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on 2007-06-14 22:59:28 by lulu |
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| The question I have for you, is how could you of loved aman like that. Love is only unconditional when it comes to your kids. you give your kids the benefit of the doubt because of their youth. Your husband does not have youth in his side. He knew what he was doing and just because you were so called "married" did not give him the right to miss treat you or your kids. Using the words "I Loved him" is a cop out. |
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| Clarita, that is so sad..I hope in your next life you will find REAL LOVE. |
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on 2007-06-16 14:07:38 by lizzy |
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| I forgot to add this... Because I am sure in this lifetime, you are through with men!!! |
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on 2007-06-16 14:08:22 by lizzy |
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| Clarita, see marrying for love did not pay off for you. You should have married for money!!! At least, you would have something for all your pain and suffering. |
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| It sounds like love sucks. Why would you stay so long?? It had to more than just so called "love." There has to be fear involved here. |
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