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| Ok so I know this site is mainly used for talking about boyfriends but I dont know where els to go seeing as I dont have any friends..when I was 11 and 12 my dad abused me and beat me up all the time.With two by fours and had me pick out whips and all that jazz.
When I talked to my friends about it and they always told me to run away.I finally did after a while.I didn't get on the bus to go home from school.I went to a friends house.I spent the night there.But they had to go to school the next morning.I went across the street and hung around an abandon house for about 4 and a half hours.My dad spotted me and I ran like crazy and some people saw me and gave me a ride to go find some police.When we found the cop they dropped me off at ICW(Indian Child Welfare).
ICW sent me to a bunch of different foxter families and I really hated not being able to see my family and friends I had at the time.I ran away from a foster family one day and I just ended up in a juvenile center for a couple days.Then more foster family's.I finally ended up being dumped back with my dad.We moved just 50 miles away to a town called Bemidji.We lived with my grandma for likea year or so and my grandma hates me.then My dad bought a trailer.We now live in a trailer park.Have been in this trailer for about year or so now.So that was about 3 years of my life wasted just being the dirt under my dads shoe.We are going to move very soon and it will be in a smaller trailer in the middle of nowhere.Just a bare patch in the woods.I enrolled in Bagley high school.and from what I hear its full of pussies and racist weirdos.I know only one person there and I do not want to see them.They are ubsessed with me and its very annoying.My life is going down the drain.Once I move I will end up being lonely and sad again.I dont have anything or anyone anymore.I made one friend and he was really really nice but he moved to AZ,I still communicate with him online and over the phone but I need real friends that I can actually see.
I really don't want to move.I would live with my mother but she is a drug addict and she cant afford to have me.I would live with my grandma but she hates me.Both my grandmas hate me and I dont know my grandpa.He is dieing...Nobody knows the hell I have to put up with everyday.I'm trying to look for things to do this summer but everything cost money and my dad or mom dosent have any of that.I tried applying for jobs but I never got an answer.I'm so lonely and alone I end up crying everyday over the smallest things and everything sets me off.My dad dosen't seem to give a shit about me.I just found out that my dad kicked my mom in the stomache and thats how I was born early and sometimes I wish I would have died then.Have attempted suicide but my dad cought me and threatend to send me to juvie or something like that.I can't sleep I dread evenings,I just can't sleep.I wait and it wont come.I sometimes take my dads pills to get to sleep.Sometimes I get drunk and high so I can think of something els besides my shitty meaningless life but I figured out that drugs just aren't for me.I really feel like I'm going crazy I'm always paranoid or mad or crying.I really don't like this I want to live a happy life,I just don't know what to call home anymore.I thought maybe my dad was unhappy with his life so I tried to be understanding but he ignores me.The one friend I had was awesome but my dad treated him like shit.Theres this other boy I know but I dont like him he is annoying and he wont leave me alone,my dad loves him.
I really want to just end it right now.I dont see why I keep on living I dont have any friends and my family hates me.Please dont start that "I'm sure your family loves you" bs I've heard it before.I guess I'm asking....what should I do? |
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| My heart goes out to you.
You need to decide first out of the three people you can stay with who is less abusive.
Grandma 1
Grandma 2
or Father.
I would imagine one of your Grandma's should less abusive than you dad.
How old are you? |
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on 2009-06-24 17:03:25 by Addy |
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| You have endured 15 years. You only have 3 years to go.
Are you still in school?
Will you be able to find a part time job after school? (This would mean less time at home.)
Can you work very part time at the school?
I hate to see someone so young having to work, but it will mean money coming in for you and independence. |
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on 2009-07-06 18:57:04 by Addy |
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| Ok thanks.That sounds awesome I would love to work! |
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| Just read ur post, an my heart is crying 4 u. it sure does put my life in perspective. I'm glad u were able to pour ur heart out and hope that somehow it has helped u. Sometimes friends made on sites like this really do help us women, miles matter none, but open hearts and loving kindness can help us through the bad times. Time might seem so slow right now, but try and do things that will help u thru all this. What about volunteer work? sometimes by helping others we somehow help ourselves. And then when you come to apply for jobs, u can say what u've been doing, and it will look good and go in ur favour. Go to ur local library, sit ur self down and get lost in a good book or read up on things that will help u. Keep ur distance from abusive people, surround urself in a gold light and tell urself that u love U. Cos u are important and believe me when I say that I'm sending u all my loving. Be brave whirlwindgurl xx |
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on 2009-08-28 17:20:43 by love23 |
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