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| This is a plea for helpto anyone who has advice. I have been living with a man (police officer) for about 8 years, we have been together for 10 years. The longer we are together more controlling I believe he becomes. If I ever said that to him he would get so angry with me, His mother was physically and mentally abused by his father for a very long time and he takes pride in being nothing like him. I try to throw hints at him but he ignores them, I know he hears them,he is just not willing to go there. I am a mother of 5 and I have no job and no education. And I want to have my own life ( all I do now is take care of him and the children), I have spoken to him about this and he says all the words you want to hear but there is no effort or action behind it. He does not help with the children or with anything around the house to make it so that I may lookfor something. There is no money left for me after the bills, kids, and him. I do not have decent clothes or shoes and I do not know how to drive. I do not know what i should do anymore. When I try to bring up some of the things thatconcern me we usually end up in a bad arguement (never anything physical), and I usually end up apologizing for what ever it was, even though in my opinion it was not my fault. But that is the best way out the arguement and I do not want it to lead to us breaking up. I love him and I believe he loves me too. Should I just stop and give up be quiet and be the wife and mother that he expects me to be. Sex is not even that great anymore, it use to be but now it seems like it only about satisfying his needs I have not been satified (you know what I mean)in a very long time, I have attempted to speak to him about it but of course like everything thing else nothing has changed. He likes to bring up how stressful his job is and I need to understand that. |
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| It seems you are in a tough situation. My advice to you is to get indenpendant!! If you had your own money, he would treat you differently. There are programs out there to help single moms. They will help with paying for your education and child care. You have a way out, and the way out is not depending on a man. Depend on yourself, your kids and your boyfriend will respect you more if you have respect for yourself. I know it is not easy, but the hardest thing is to get started, even if you start school and only take one class. You can do it. Have faith in yourself!!! |
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| Wow, it is not easy when there are kids involved. Woman make so much sacrifice for our kids. But you have to take baby steps on getting independant. Go to school to be a nurse, a X-ray tech, anything. I know it is easier said than done, but you are more powerful than you think. |
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| It sounds like you are in a vulnurable situation because you are not married. Since he is a police officer he has a pension. He should marry you, because if something ever happens to him, how will you afford to take care of all those kids? Make him do the right thing!! You need to increase your self esteem some how, so you will not let someone treat you this way. Do one thing each day towards getting yourself independent. |
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| Contact a Domestic Violence program. You are in a Controlling and Abusive situation. They can help. You shouldn't have to live that way. Just because he doesn't hit you or the kids, he is still abusive and could benefit from some Anger Management himself. Police Officers have access to consuling and assistance for themselves and their families.
You have to do SOMETHING or it will get worse. |
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