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| Ok, so me & my boyfriend have been together for about 2 ½ years now. I'm 23 & he's 31. And I’m starting to question my reactions to his foolishness. I guess before I can go into detail I have to explain who I’ve allowed myself to become in this relationship. I’m the type of woman who has always found aggressive men extremely attractive. I like a man to dominate & let me know he’s ‘The Man’. By that I mean I like someone who can keep me in check, someone who has my back unconditionally and at the same time let me know when I’m wrong. With that being said my current boyfriend is all of the above and some extra. I really love him & I find him so intriguing & intellectual. But at the same time he gets a little overly aggressive when we have minor disagreements. Once during an argument he grabbed me by the wrist and shoved me against the wall & he just stared at me for a few minutes & wouldn’t let go. I saw something in him that I’d never seen before. At the time I was confused & a little bit turned on. Is something wrong with me? Don’t get me wrong I like a powerful man in all aspects of the word but I never want to be the type of woman who ends up in a violent situation. This is something that only happened once & I try to step aside from arguments & go a different route. Was this a warning sign for something deeper or something I can just shake off and learn to love about him? |
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| first of all a real man should never harm a woman, second of all, if he is starting out with this, there will be more to come and at first he will act all sorry but don't fall for it's just an act and ask yourself this question. Do you want to be six feet under or does your life mean something to you?
I never understood why woman like this type of a man, me personally, I love to cuddle and hold hands and feel special with someone, if he dosn't do that for you, then run and get out while you can, I promise there will worse to come. Peace.... |
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on 2007-10-14 19:12:45 by kimmy |
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| Hate to say it kimmy but I see this alot. If she is "turned on" by this power she is going to stick it out when he starts getting more and more agressive until like you said, she ends up 6 feet under.
Nothing we can say here will change your mind on this guy. He is going to hurt you bad one day and you will stick with him....sad. |
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| OMG, I so agree with both of you...
Amina.. I would love to know what your father was like and how he treated your mom...
I would step back and take a look at your situation. This kind of guy does not stop at just a push and a stare.
Love yourself and stop letting a man push you around. You should get turned on by a man treating you with respect and love.
Think about how a man like this would treat your children. |
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on 2007-10-15 22:31:58 by meme38 |
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| Ok, I get where everyone is going with this. But he is NOT a woman beater or anything. If he was a violent person I would run for the hills...I just think he thinks i'm his little girl or something sometimes (lol)Maybe we'll seek counseling... |
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on 2007-10-15 22:50:04 by Amina |
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| Amina, it is nice to have a "Daddy". I too am attracted to older men so they can be the care giver and the man that takes over. I love that and it totally turns me on too. But your situation is a little more than that, It goes beyond the "daddy" issue.
I would be very careful. I hear what you are saying, but I think you know what I am talking about. |
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on 2007-10-15 22:57:28 by gigi12 |
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| Amina, the minute a guy lays hands on a woman in an agressive manner like you mentioned it is a prelude of what is to come.
Would you rather wait till he takes that first swing before waking up?
My father was a beater, and my brother had the problem for awhile too. I broke the cycle on my end and swore I would never lay hands on my family. I have come close, but never followed through. I got counseling and learned to better channel anger.
Don't become another victim....if you love him get him to face his anger issues now or soon you will get to join others as another victim. |
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| Amina, The man that you are descibing, will see going to counseling as being weak. He will never admit to having a problem and if ever did he would blame you as the problem for his anger issues.
I have been in your shoes.. |
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| Amina, stop and really look at your situation. I know you say you love him, but sometimes giving up your self worth is not worth the price you will pay in this relationship.
With men you give thenm a inch and they will take a mile. It only gets worse over the years.
Why do you choose to walk on egg shells with a man like this just for the sake of being "turned on."
Get turned on by a powerful man at is employment, not by his power over you. |
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on 2007-10-17 21:05:09 by jack |
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| Please believe, if he is laying his hands on you now for minor disagreements. You will soon be getting smacked
around for more major things. After he kicks your butt real good, I doubt you will be feeling so turned on.
I think you need to figure out why red flag behavior is turning you on? Did you not get enough beatings as child?
Did you have a dominate dad? Not sure what is going on with you, but you need to seek counseling. Cause if a man is laying hands on you, and it is turning you on, this is only encouraging and re-enforcing his behavior. He might go to far.
At any rate, you need to set some boundaries. Let him know that what he did was not acceptable and if he does it
again, there will be consequences.
Try to figure out what is going on with you. You are pretty young, so I'm sure you can shake this thing if you start on it now. |
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on 2007-10-21 04:03:24 by Addy |
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| You know what...I actually thought about everything & mentioned counseling to him last night...I suggested it in an indirect way. I told him I have a friend who goes & asked him what he thought about us going. He was like I can drop you off...then he died laughing... (WHAT THE HELL???)Then I think he could tell by my expression that I was dead serious, then he just started apologizing, whining about how bitchy I've become lately & how he can become a better man. True enough I do say things that I shouldn't say sometimes....but really he is 31 years old...he should be able to take it...too make a long story short he agreed to come to a session with me...So I think that’s progress... |
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on 2007-10-21 21:37:42 by Amina |
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| Good for you, for standing your ground. And stop putting yourself down. Who told you that you say things that you should not say sometimes. You are you, and if someone does not like it.. too bad.
If someone puts you down in anyway, it is thier way of trying to control you. |
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| Good for you. At least you can address this thing early on. Find out why you have this need to have an agressive man. |
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on 2007-10-28 01:35:10 by Addy |
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